Therapy for my pain.... pt 1

this is really killing me on the inside and the outside, ive lost my appetite and cant even sleep i cant think straight really, its been affecting my schoolwork, and just being able to live life i wish it was just as easy for me to move on as you did. i really do cuhz this isn't good for the both of us. you cant even feel fully comfortable and i sure ass hell cant cuhz everything i do or see reminds me of us and all the good times we had and saddens me i can understand there possibly still a chance that we can be one more and a chance nothing will ever happen again but i can only hope for the best. But honestly i was thinking bout what you said how we can still be best friends and go back to how it was before feelings were established but it hit me.....when we were just homies we never even hung out except for in school IT was our LOVE that brought us together and everyone else close as one big happy family!i can only hope for us to be one again but even if you just included me in ur plans or really came out to still hang out with me and the boys of just hanging out with only ur other friends and making me just a hi bye friend. ive also come to realize why you did this you wanted to be able to go back to ur normal lifestyle and not have me to hold you back and worry about cuhz that life made you content with ur life and carefree and to get ur mind clear of certain things.. while we were together i didn't mean to make you feel unhappy happy and not urself i really just tried to help you get ur life back on track according to only my interest and not allowing you to have anything ur way i was selfish! i took away way the one thing that was important and even more important to me at the time, i see now u are really happy single and back to ur ways and that find cuhz ur happiness was my main concern from day one or thats atleast what i thought my concerns were.. i never really fully understood you cuhz there were things you didn't wanna tell me you always said i would never understand. i fell so hard for you after you explained ur true feelings towards me which was so surprising cuhz ive never really had a girl like you. ive always been considered the really nice guy and the bestfriend type -_- it was two years of being single before i had you to really be able to talk to and pour my love out and really love someone.i know for a fact that for the rest of my high school years i will not be going out with anyone else but you cuhz i honestly cant go through another heartbreak this year and ruin my time there with all my friends cuhz we're all seniors and who knows what will happen nextwhen we're all off to college. i have to really try and move onmeaning going out more with you and the homies just so i could get used to the situation and keep me from staying home all alone and thinkin things i wanna let go of and i honestly try but ITS SOO DAMM HARD you made my life worth living and i was so content with life having you there and loving me i was going out more and just happy all the time cuhz i was in LOVE! and i still am... this is enough for now i have to go eat pho' lol thins bloggin is kinda helping me get my feelings out kinda like therapy but dam you made me this so that i could talk about how much i love you and how amazing you are and i guess now im really outting it to use
bye my love <3

P.S i love you always
i hope ill atleast still be included in future events with you like ur bday and valentines day and prom but especially wink wink ;)
hahaha