Therapy for my pain.... pt 1

this is really killing me on the inside and the outside, ive lost my appetite and cant even sleep i cant think straight really, its been affecting my schoolwork, and just being able to live life i wish it was just as easy for me to move on as you did. i really do cuhz this isn't good for the both of us. you cant even feel fully comfortable and i sure ass hell cant cuhz everything i do or see reminds me of us and all the good times we had and saddens me i can understand there possibly still a chance that we can be one more and a chance nothing will ever happen again but i can only hope for the best. But honestly i was thinking bout what you said how we can still be best friends and go back to how it was before feelings were established but it hit me.....when we were just homies we never even hung out except for in school IT was our LOVE that brought us together and everyone else close as one big happy family!i can only hope for us to be one again but even if you just included me in ur plans or really came out to still hang out with me and the boys of just hanging out with only ur other friends and making me just a hi bye friend. ive also come to realize why you did this you wanted to be able to go back to ur normal lifestyle and not have me to hold you back and worry about cuhz that life made you content with ur life and carefree and to get ur mind clear of certain things.. while we were together i didn't mean to make you feel unhappy happy and not urself i really just tried to help you get ur life back on track according to only my interest and not allowing you to have anything ur way i was selfish! i took away way the one thing that was important and even more important to me at the time, i see now u are really happy single and back to ur ways and that find cuhz ur happiness was my main concern from day one or thats atleast what i thought my concerns were.. i never really fully understood you cuhz there were things you didn't wanna tell me you always said i would never understand. i fell so hard for you after you explained ur true feelings towards me which was so surprising cuhz ive never really had a girl like you. ive always been considered the really nice guy and the bestfriend type -_- it was two years of being single before i had you to really be able to talk to and pour my love out and really love someone.i know for a fact that for the rest of my high school years i will not be going out with anyone else but you cuhz i honestly cant go through another heartbreak this year and ruin my time there with all my friends cuhz we're all seniors and who knows what will happen nextwhen we're all off to college. i have to really try and move onmeaning going out more with you and the homies just so i could get used to the situation and keep me from staying home all alone and thinkin things i wanna let go of and i honestly try but ITS SOO DAMM HARD you made my life worth living and i was so content with life having you there and loving me i was going out more and just happy all the time cuhz i was in LOVE! and i still am... this is enough for now i have to go eat pho' lol thins bloggin is kinda helping me get my feelings out kinda like therapy but dam you made me this so that i could talk about how much i love you and how amazing you are and i guess now im really outting it to use
bye my love <3

P.S i love you always
i hope ill atleast still be included in future events with you like ur bday and valentines day and prom but especially wink wink ;)
hahaha

Nigga fo Life<3

\\/\//

im so confused.....

why is love so difficult i fell in love with an amazing girl but it all ended so quick because i was changin her to someone else according to my previous veiws on certain things. she didnt feel 100% happy so she left. it broke my heart cuhz i eally fell hard for this girl. after thinkin really hard i realized i need her so bad in my life right now cuhz she really brought out the best in me making me anxious for the next time to saw eachother. i focused too much all making the perfect girl that i lost sight in all her wonderful qualities her beauty her joyous and exciting personality her energy and almost never afraid to do anything she brought us all together for some amazing times i will never forget just thinking about how much i miss her kisses and hung and just being able to stare in her eyes gave me goosebumps shes truly the best ive ever had and is all i need i want you back symone
i wanna be able to hold you in my arms and call you baby once more and just know that ur mine im sorry bout all these things that happened at school that make you uncomfortable ill talk to them none of this was really ur fault to be honest if i had accept you for who you were and really care for ur happiness i think we wouldnt be in this situation please take ur time and really think about us im here and ready to take you back faster than a heartbeat my heart that beats only for you<3

<3 my growing love

although theres some rough patches in our relationship my love for you grows day by day. making it difficult to find the right words to say. words cannot describe how i feel for you. i follow my heart which tells me what to do. your eyes say more about the person within. it makes my heart leap and wants to sing. My love is still growing to the heavens above. you are the only girl ive ever loved this much.
:-*

Yesterday was a Good and Bad Bay....

so thee day started when my baby called me up and asked if i wanted to swimming with her and her sister.... hahah denied her but i called mark to come over so we could chill poolside but by the time he was around the area she was already done and i didnt even get there yet and she got mad cuhz didnt want people over. i called him to come over so we chill then went to go pick her up to come back to my house we chilled a little more and came up wit the GP and she ate some oreo soup :P kinda gross lookin haha ( my mom was like wtf were you eatin last night, there was black shit all the bowl) lol ily mommyy<3..... anyways she dropped us off at MISSION BURRITO bomb ass mexican food with a good price we ate and talked for a bit then walked to nordstroms rack and got Jamba JUicefinally we get to amc, we chilled in Barnes and Noble until closing time where i pretend broke up with monie hahah she doesnt really like me anymore but yea we decide to go see IT's COMPLICATED had to sneak monie is through the back door cuhz that nigger didnt wanna pay for a ticket.. then cassie and cristina and daniel come, had to get them in also
the movie was GREAT!! i enjoyed many laughs it da homies but come to realize its 1 in da morning and me and monie dont have a ride -_- and we live in RESEDA plan a was to take orange line to tampa and only walk 4 blocks home which was nothing for us but as soon as we step out we see the last bus leave and the next wont come til 3:44 -_- fml so we walked in the freezing cold sharing stories while both having pains in our body and her mom was yellin at her via txt message lol we finally get home around 2:40 for her and 2:50 for me that was 5 mile walk!!! OMG WTF! got home and had to piss really bad then munched on everything til i knocked out hahaha ily symone<3 :-*

Happy 2010!!

so i started off the day with bagels and facebook. hung out with fam and ate dumplings and then went shopping i bought a fuckin jump rope.... monies hella gunna be using to fullfill her new years resolution and its more safe to exercise in the house ever since we found out theres a stalker in the neighborhood tryna get us anyways came home and ate crab and shrimp the half a box of dominoes sipped on some wine and other shit then decided to play cards with the fam fuckin killed everyone then left for monies around 1030 or 11 we were alone and just chilled watched da michael jackson concert on tv sipped on corona....i had dat midnight kissssssss :D i love you babbyyyyyyyy this is our yearrrr!!!!!<333333